The Icing

Hi everyone, I am blogging a little late in the week than planned.  But I’m here to update you on the most current situation.  I wanted to personally thank Jessica of http://equuspalaverous.wordpress.com/ for helping me out with Ink through email :). 

Meghan didn’t end up coming on Sunday.  She called me in the morning to tell me that the mare who she’d been waiting for nearly 3 weeks to give birth, finally did.  I really was looking forward to her coming out, but I can only imagine how exhausted one must be after sleeping in the barn for that long waiting for a mare to foal.

On Monday Matt and I brought the horses out and free lunged them in the arena.  Ink was a happy, competitive, horse following Errika around the arena.  He threw some massive bucks as usual and played catch up with the frisky Arab mare.  

I’m feeling much better about what’s been going on.  I am pretty sure I took it hard because for the first time I had someone tell me that he just might not be “it.”  “It” I guess means the nice, sound OTTB who takes his rider to some Dressage and Jumping shows. 

“It’s” not an “It” anyway.  “He” is a beautiful creature with secrets to share that have only yet been starting to unfold.  He could take me over a thousand jumps and we could ride some awesome tests, but at the end of the day, he is still an animal.  He is still Ink and I won’t know who he is just by knowing what it’s like to ride him. 

I have actually learned things from horses from cleaning up their poop.  I’m now cleaning stalls for the barn where the horses are kept to help cover board.  There is only four stalls inside the barn, but I love each horse in there.  Especially one.  His name is Bucky and I’ve known him since he was a wee lad.  I used to play with him through a fence when he was kept in the field next to Errika and he would follow me around the field he was in when I would go in there.  I’ve never rode him, don’t have any plans to.  Well besides he’s one of the young ones in training.  When I’m cleaning out his stall he is so into what’s going on and what I’m doing.  I often times have to remind him to stay on one side of the stall while I’m cleaning out the other because he will smell my hair and walk in front of me for his favorite, wither itching. 

 I know that based on just spending time with horses doing some of the most, not the highlight of things to do, I can get to know those horses.  I’ve gotten to know Errika a lot just by spending time with her doing things other than riding.  Like enjoying sitting with her in the field, having a picnic with her, or my favorite - going over at night in a storm to bring her in for a few hours of grooming and dry time.  Ok, no that is not my favorite, but I’m sure she likes it.

Riding has been the second thing for us.  It’s been a lot of fun and I can’t tell you how awesome it is to ride her bareback.  I laugh so hard I swear I’m going to fall off.  I probably will one of these days, God knows I’ve come close!  I feel safe, whole, ful-filled and confident when we ride.  But again it’s just the icing on the cake.  There is a whole bunch of other goodness underneath the icing. 

Decisions 2 - Ink & Conest Details

http://inkeq.wordpress.com/2008/03/05/super-mare-2/

I’ve been up and down today.  I get mad at myself for even getting sad about this.  I vowed that I would do whatever I could for this horse and I must stick with that.  Riding is want’s not need’s.  As the owner of a horse I must do whatever I can to ensure their happiness and well-being and I cannot just say goodbye to Ink just because he is not my riding future. 

When I went to go get Matt for lunch today, I started crying about the whole thing.  I’m very emotional when it comes to horses.  Matt told me I cannot get rid of him, we’ve come too far and he belongs with us. 

I got Ink with the positive in my heart.  Every horse deserves a chance.  Regardless of if they are servicable or not.  I have that power to do good, maybe just for one horse, but I can make a difference in his life. 

I cannot give up because of selfish reasons.  This is what good things are made of, I can put aside my wants and continue to love and dedicate my life to this horse.  So that is what I am going to do, regardless of what happens. 

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Errika & I

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http://inkeq.wordpress.com/2008/02/19/tei-contest-image-time-lapse/

TEI CONTEST ENDS 3/11!

Please send entries to inkeq@yahoo.com

Attention Public :  ANYONE and everyone is welcome to vote for the winner between 3/12 and 3/15.  Don’t forget to stop by during that time to vote!

I love you Ink

I had a phone call today.  One from the trainer who has helped me with Ink.  I’m trying to be optimistic, but it does make me sad.  She is coming out to look at Ink on Sunday just because I really do suspect something going on in his hind end.  If she thinks it’s arthritis, we’ll go from there.  I feel a bit alone here because this is all new to me and I don’t know what to do or where to start.  On top of that we still have a large bill to pay for Errika’s surgery.  My mom is working with a nice lady from the finances department to work out some type of payment plan.  Yeah, it still has not been worked out.  We don’t have a lot of money, we were faced with a difficult decision and did our best.  My parent’s have little experience with horses and my dad just “doesn’t get it” (Maddy, from PonyTailClub, I know how you feel!).  He doesn’t understand to the point where he probably would have the sanity of not going through this and not spending the money he did.  It wouldn’t matter if we had money anyway, because now I have a new problem on my hands and it’s another difficult decision to make. 

 I thought I’d never have to say this, but if Ink has a chronic problem, as M said, we have to decide what will be the next step.  To sell Ink or not.  I’m really doubting my pursuits as a rider at this point.  I’ve never shown and I thought Ink might be a great project.  But it’s not going to work out that way, at this point.  If we do get his hocks injected, he might improve, but like M said is it really something we could manage with putting that much work into him?  It sounds sad and it is, but I’m really upset and I don’t know what to do.  It’s VERY sad knowing that this talented horse at only 8, could never be able to be serviceable other than light work.  HE just doesn’t deserve that.  I know I’ll get to a more “ok, let’s decide what’s best for him,” stage but at this point it’s just all upsetting.  My super star, who will always be, may just not be super sound for anything.

 I don’t want to sell Ink, I really don’t.  I’ve poured my heart and soul into this horse and I love him so much.  The reason to sell would be because I need to find a 100% sound prospect, maybe another OTTB, to make some progress in my riding.  BUT that is really selfish.  I hate myself for even thinking my riding is more important than giving him a home.  We cannot afford another horse at this point.  This is very hard for me.  I tried really hard not to cry in front of my mom when she asked what M said. 

I’m trying to locate Errika’s previous owners.  I really want to see how they are doing and to tell them everything.  I want to learn more about Errika and the whole story. 

Well, besides..  I had a great time with Errika today. 

The “Dream” Discussion

Thank you Haley!!! 

In case any of TEI’s fellow readers didn’t get to the last post, consisting generally of my dream, please just take a moment to read the below post.  Basically I was riding a horse in a very informal race, a dark bay gelding with a tiny star. I won the race by the way lol.  At the end I asked the trainer/owner (not sure if the man owned him) when and if he was for sale OR done racing I would like to buy him.  The horses name; sweet stevie or something like “sweet ……”  I did a little researching and found a horse by the name of “Sweet Blessings” who is a dark bay, almost black (exactly like in my dream).  The horse apprently didn’t do well as a racer.  Which in my dream I suspected this horses career would soon be over, hence why I asked the trainer/owner to take or buy him as soon as he was up.  I remember he wasn’t very fast.  Comfortable to ride though.  We won against a chestnut gelding who we were racing down the last straigh-away against.  Later in the dream, I didn’t mention this in my post, my mom and I somehow were watching a video of the horse I rode and were commenting on how he looked running.  Kind of like a bunny.  I kept asking my mom how he looked while I was riding him in the race and she kept saying great. 

I want to personally thank Haley (fellow E-Equestrian.com Member) for replying to my last post and helping me out with this dream!!  Thank You =)

This is what struck me:

Words like talking: Conversation. Communication. Seeking for a way to express something.

….anything you’ve had trouble expressing your feelings about?

This made some sense to me.  Granted a lot of what you wrote Haley did, but this jumped out at me the most.  I’ve had trouble expressing a lot of things lately, to people directly.  I can write like crazy, but when it comes to actually speaking face-to-face I’m a little rusty.  I fumble I guess you would say and often times portray a different message than I want to when I do speak.  I don’t do that with everyone, just to those I don’t know super well.  Trust me I can talk my mom’s ear off and feel confident in what I am and have said.  And it’s always a pleasure to share things with her because she deeply understands me and looks at me with greater respect when I can express to her my feelings in the way I do when I talk to her.  Lately it’s been the inability to speak to hmm, three specific people.  One I will not name personally, but I’m not in direct control of the communication going on, which is not the best.  The second is my dad.  I don’t ever feel like he truly cares about my deep appreciation for things, most importantly my horses.  I have so much to share but feel like he doesn’t truly want to listen.  Like he gets bored of my yapping on about the horses.  The third I also will not mention but she’s new in my life and I haven’t yet developed my comfort around her.  Everytime I talk to her I feel like she’s getting the wrong impression.  My mind literally races after I talk to her, with all these thoughts about what I said, how I could have said it etc.  When I lye in bed I cannot fall asleep because all I think about it everything I said during the day regarding my horses or other important issues. 

In the Shark Tank!

Last night I went to my first NHL game!!  The Shark’s were playing the Canadian Canucks.  The score was 3 to 1, Sharks, it was great!  I had a lot of fun, although the seating was scary.  We sat up top and it’s like straight up and down.  Not a bad seat in the whole stadium though.  I had a massive headache while we were driving down there and this morning I woke up with it. 

I’m going to see Ink and Errika later today, let them out to stretch their legs.  Maybe ride the beast =).  You know what was weird, I had a dream last night about horse racing.  Very odd, I’ve never had one that consisted of horse racing before..  We were at this track and there was some riders that came for a play-day.  None of us had raced before.  We didn’t go into a starting gate, we just started at a line.  I remember the footing was this lighter color, like a light tan and there was grass in the middle, it was sunny out.  We all got assigned horses to race I was assigned this dark bay gelding with a very small star on his head.  When I went to warm him up around the track I grabbed the reins, and they were those white rubber kind.  And when he started galloping, not fast, I felt so relaxed and solid on him.  We ended up winning the race.  Half the pack got stuck on the last turn because a rider fell.  As we went down the last stretch I remember asking him to really go and feeling so happy.  After the race I asked my mom how he looked and she said he looked awesome.  A little bit after the race I went into his trainers part of the barn and wanted to ask him about buying the horse.  This is where it was got weirder, I remember the horse’s name, it was Sweet Steven.  The trainer was on the phone, in his little office, and when he was done talking I asked him when Sweet Steven is for sale or done racing I want to buy or take him.  The man said “Ok,” and asked for my name and number.  Then I woke up.  It was so weird.  I don’t know what it ment.  Maybe I’m destined to be an off-track mom?  Any ideas?

Circling with the Wind

Believing is my foundation for this blog.  In people, horses, life and most importantly love, which brings all of those things together.  Kind of interesting how things suddenly come to you, generally in the oddest of places.  I know mine come to me a lot when I am driving, and I think “wow, I have to remember this to write in my blog!”  I get all excited and can’t wait until the later hours come when I can sit down a write my little heart away.  But often times the almost perfectly synced words that came so easily in my head hours before, are sunk down, back in my brain and only memories left which are a left a bit blurry. 

The main thought that came to mind was life and love.  I suddenly began putting puzzle pieces together in my head as my mind sat silent in utter fascination.  Life is the true meaning of love.  Every-time a person is brought into this world, every-time a soul is born, it is the product of love.  The love of two people, the love of the creator.  You just didn’t get created “just because.”  But of a greater reason, a greater purpose, and at the core of that, as all the other meanings float around, love sits in the middle.  Almost like a person meditating while the world moves about around them.  Love is joy all the time.  Love will never give up on you, and love is what you are and what you will always have.  And in the lyrics of Miss Alicia Keys’ new song ‘No One’ “Everything will be alright.”  When you feel frayed from the real meaning of life, stuck in stress, sit back in your own circle, locking arms with love. 

Lock arms with your horses, because love is what they will always want and truly give to you.  Beyond training, riding and all those other things we do, there is something sitting silently at the other side waiting to embrace you.  Never believe a horse is just an H-O-R-S-E, love is the greatest thing life can give you, and vice versa.  Horses are one of the greatest teachers and examples of that.

My greatest desire is to know the true horse beyond Ink and Errika’s eyes.  That is the truly the strongest draw I have towards them.  Someone one is teasing me.  I haven’t been granted that opportunity to go there yet, but it’s so close I can feel it.  The power of their true being is pulling me in, and at times it’s almost frustrating because it’s right there, but I just can’t stretch far enough.  I get glimpses into their secret society. 

I know I’m getting closer though, because now when I look at a horses eyes, when they don’t know it, I can see them and who they are.  I took slight glimpses over at Tim while he was riding Stevie today (the cute red QH) and I watched Stevie’s hooves move in the sand, as if I was in a dream, and saw through his eyes to his center, where his mind sat concentrating. 

When I walked to get Ink, Sweetie stopped and raised her head and we exchanged thoughts, a simple moment.  It’s a soft song, powerful, but soothing and it takes your entire body in a gentle embrace across a pasture and sits you inside their circle, locking arms with their love.  If you need physical proof, you get chills.  I usually do, and it then calms me.   

Po, Rain

I have gotten into a “groove” as the trainer tim says.  Actually when I think of that word, I have flashbacks into the nipit from Christopher Reeves’ book, about his riding accident atop his horse; Eastern Express.  Christopher says he had really gotten into a “groove” with his horse.  Ultimately suggesting that the team that had been formed, had been really moving along, having successes in their work together.  It’s bittersweet to think about “groove.”  Because it’s so easy to fall out of it, and then the stumbling that occurs when you miss a step and hit the wall.  For Ink and I, it’s a groove that we are in.  But a shallow one at that.  If he steps outside of the groove, he will be gently helped back into position, along with myself.  We take each-other lightly. 

Riding yesterday was a lot of fun.  I didn’t have a lesson, but I rode both Ink and Errika.  The miss first and then Mr. Handsome.  Errika was her old self.  I can’t say much more about how she is under saddle, she’s how she’s always been; speedy, hot, spirited, sensitive.  You get the idea.  She is mentally stronger than that OTTB Art I rode on Monday, but she can be a ball of hot nerves if your not careful.  So again, as like with Ink, Errika and I take each-other lightly.  I have developed my approach through experience with her.  With Ink, I am still green at his ways.  Although he is a pretty easy going fella, you can push him, challenge and all without much fuss.  Like I’ve said earlier, both my horses are like day and night.  It’s really a good thing for me as a rider.  I get teachers on hooves, like a fluent french teacher and a tough gym teacher.  Haha, did I just compare Ink to a gym teacher?  He would be utterly disappointed.  Ink is a very smart man with the looks to match; tall and handsome.  Beautiful dark, full mane and tail.  He makes everyone melt.  The charm, leaves something to behold though.  Ink is not really the charming type.  To me, yes.  To strangers he doesn’t know, no.  Another very distinctive trait about him is his strong intuition about people.  He’s very, very quick to read you.  It’s so interesting and cool to watch him feed off the energy of humans.  

Ink stands quietly in the cross ties.  A presence is exactly what he has.  But as the weak human (emotionally: beholding, dis-honest) approaches, he immediately stands tense, pins his ears and will have nothing of this person.  To the un-educated eye in the art of “Ink” this seems unacceptable.  Horses should stand quiet, never speak their minds, and never lift a hoof to a human.  But what respect do we offer them to keep a silent mind, and a lowered hoof?  This person offers nothing.  Ink says in his mind as he remains still, ears pinned; ‘give me a break person, don’t be something your not, I cannot understand you, thus you will never understand me.’  Human tries to pet this beast, but he doesn’t want anything to do with it.  ‘Stop trying to be sweet to me, I know what you thought, I felt what you were thinking.  Listen to me, and learn from what I have to say, because I am a true teacher, I am what those equestrians talk about.  I am a great legend.  I sell myself short, never.  I know who and what I am, but you, you do not.’

All this I write, and feel, but saying it, I don’t get much opportunity, so I can’t really say what I mean it.  So many times I wish I could read these things to people to help them understand me better.  Certain things you may assume, would be very clear if you only read my writing.  Maybe not just to better understand me, but my horses.  I really take pride in myself through my dedication with my riding and horses, most importantly the horses.  Sure I’ve made my mistakes, but the neat thing about horses is they forgive, not forget, but forgive and I do learn my lesson.  Errika let it go when I got so frustrated in riding her, but she never gave up on me.  She showed me a different place to go, embraced my true purpose and really helped me understand what to and not to do.  When I ride her now, I feel happy, excited, proud, and thankful.  Thankful, to have her in my life.  I believe in the place behind the horses eyes.  Read The Tao of Equusand be embraced.  Finally someone wrote it out!!  If you can not grasp the concept now, don’t give up, your time will come.  But if you don’t even want to consider this, then I can’t say much for you, honestly.  There isn’t much I’m very bigot-like with, but this, amazing place that we share with our horses, is something we should truly, at-least, try to understand or explore. 

I didn’t ride today, however, because it was raining all day.  Errika was moved out of her stall.  I feel better now that some of things have been discussed and clarified with the barn owner.  But I not yet have what I will assume is ”resolving.”  For some odd reason I have a desire, a need, for the barn owner to understand me.  I am not a crazy, wild, irresponsible 18 year old.  I honestly don’t know what this person thinks of me, but I don’t think it’s really ”me.”  Maybe I should just forget about this and move on.  I don’t get everything I want.  

In the rain tonight, taking Ink back to his pasture in the dark, fixing Errika’s temporary stall in a paddock up front, soaking wet, Matt complains.  There is so much complaining, I don’t understand why the optimistic side of things is forgotten?  How could you not be happy, even in the dark, soaking wet?  I’d sleep with my horses in the rain.  Ok maybe that’s taking it a little too far?  =D  Like Meghan said people are treating horses like commodities, when they are animals. 

Lunging Pt 3 (Getting it..)

Me & Ink!
Of all days, yesterday I didn’t take any pictures..  But I PROMISE today I will!  I told you yesterday that I wanted to take a video of him on the lunge, but we would have had our hands full.  Being’s as Ink is unblanaced and getting used to the whole lunging on a line thing, we have to help him move on the cirlce.  Ideally we would prefer the round pen for this.  As it makes sense right? The round pen, is round and thus can help Ink carry himself in circle, and it’s a consistant cirlce.  But unfortunately the round pen is occupied by a cute red gelding. We are only doing between 10-15mins of light trotting.  I must say Ink is catching on super fast!  This is only the third day he’s been, well taught to lunge.  After he was done yesterday he stopped, looked at us, and then we asked him to come in.  We hung out there, the three of us, and rubbed Ink, gave him kisses and hugs, told him he was a good boy.  He chewed in approval, lowered his head like he always does, and appeared to be asking “did I do good!?”  It was the cutest thing :). 

Ink is always so proud after he accomplishes something.  I can describe this horse as incredibly intelligent, full of heart, and always gives 100%.  He has a desire to listen to what we have to say, and tries really hard at what we’re asking. 

I have to say, these last few weeks I have been reflecting on the changes in him.  For one the kicking.  Now Ink came to us as a known kicker, and with a bang, and he would kick at a lot of things.  I wouldn’t say everything, but what was a swishing of the tail for most horses was a kick for Ink.  We have come to conculsion that in his past he developed that reacton.  And why do horses react with a kick?  As a defense tack tict.  It would have come from somewhere, being rough-housed at the track, inraged to higher agression, beaten or abused. 

Now these days Ink is not the kicker he used to be.  Sometimes he will lift his leg when he gets ticked off.  For example Ink is NOT a mens type of horse.  He has immidiately pinned his ears back at all the males that have come around him; my dad, younger brother, my dads friend, and Matt in the beginning.  But what is awesome to see is that Ink shows immidiate signs, right after the quick ears pinned reaction, of wanting to get to know you.  He kind of goes; “oh, he’s not going to hurt me..”  So I have been telling all the men that come around him to approach slow, don’t touch him, let him touch you first, and then we he is ready you can rub his fore-head (which he loves).  Kind of like an introduction. 

But in regards to his kicking.  There has been very little of it happening.  In fact he hasn’t kicked out for some time now, and even longer with any type of agression.  He has had a lot of emotional problems to over-come, so we couldn’t rush him.  Ink had to come around when he was ready.  I had to sit back, offer my support, love, and let him tell me when it was time to take a step forward.  And during that time, I had a lot of negativity from outside people.  Which really upset me.  I think for people who have not had the chance to work with a horses or horses, just see them being ridden and riding them, they fail to respect the emotional aspects and mentality behind a horse.  So it was hard for me to explain the stage during that time.  My dad just constantly asked when or why I wasn’t riding him and yadda yadda.  And I know to MANY people if we began work under saddle and maybe jumping people would go “wow he’s come a long way!”  But the truth is Ink doesn’t have a riding problem at all, and that’s not where the real progress, has or would be made, it’s in his learning to become part of life, and enjoy it for what it is.  And in that respect he has come a long, long way. 

The Grazing

Errika also enjoys the grass..
The grass is starting to decrease in quality now. More of those fox tails, than actual grass. I love the spring because everything is so green and lovely, plus you get hints of summer, and winter, without the commitment. Last week it rained a lot and hard, but if the grass is ment to go, it’s ment to go. I had just been starting to turn out Ink for a little bit each day while I lunged or rode Errika. He visits with his girlfriends and watches over the new baby while he’s nose deep in grass. He loves grazing and observing the cows, and then running to stand next to his new girlfriend, Dixie.

Last Wednesday Ink became an uncle. Ok, well not the real uncle of the new baby, but he seems to have adopted her into his own. She’s a dark buckskin. Ink is so intrigued by babies, and always curious. He’s such a sweet horse to other horses too, and immediately took an interest in watching over the new addition. Along with Auntie Errika of course. The mare who had the baby was a maiden, and it was a little difficult in the beginning, but now mom wont let her baby out of her sight.

The owner of the mare says that Errika probably coached her through it : ). Which sounds just like Errika. She’s had a few babies of her own in the past and I’m sure she was there every step of the way. Errika wants a baby of her own now, and I’m tempted to give it a try, but it’s a huge commitment that should not be taken lightly. I’ve been thinking about breeding her for a few years now, and once even found a gorgeous Trakehner to breed too, but I just didn’t have the opportunity that year.

I spent Wednesday afternoon helping the owner with the new baby and the mare. I kneeled on the ground and the baby curiously came right over whinnying and then smelled my face. She’s such a cute little thing. She sure is special, and has a quality to her.

Ink has been doing well. He shows slight signs of lameness, but doesn’t appear to be in any pain. I had another talk with my mom about my concerns and thoughts on what symptoms and signs he shares with certain culprits. We are going to call the vet Friday, or Monday.

Ink’s ground manners are improving, and he is really falling into a groove.
He runs, bucks, and plays. His bucks are just nuts, and you wonder what he is like to handle. But he is such a gentlemen. We have to improve some things, but he just relaxes and falls into his happy place.

Yesterday I spent an afternoon riding Errika and grooming both of them. I even gave him his first real kiss and hug : ). Normally if you try to hug him, he pins his ears and try to nip. But we’ve been working on it, and I spent time just adding in little hugs here and there, and he’s starting to enjoy them now.

I was grooming his left side yesterday, and he raises his head and stares right at me. It’s like he was really thinking about something. I’ve never had a horse look to the side at me like that before, with such interest. It was very very neat and I just couldn’t imagine what was going on in his head. He’s so intelligent.. Every-time I walk to the back to get them from the field, he’s the first one to walk up to the gate. He hears me right as I get to the first field, raises his head and walks to the gate and waits.

My driving test is tomorrow… I’m a little nervous, because I feel like I’m going to forget to do something. Like not cover the brake over the railroad tracks, or look over my shoulder (right shoulder that is). Wish me luck!!

Deep Weight..

..in and through my soul.
God gave me my Ink. I cannot express to you how important he is to me. It’s like a light is shinning down granting me something far beyond my understanding. I just want to scream and cry at the same time. I almost believe it’s the making of my Grandma. I cannot help but tear up when I think about this. Something hit me like a truck today, not sure how or why, it just did. In a series of events, this new door has opened to a new understanding. It’s weird, but almost as if I was granted some sort of access.

When I am atop Ink or in his presence I feel as if I am in this alternate world. I really don’t know how to go about this post.. I’m so submersed by this feeling I just cannot write it down.

I guess I’ll write to Ink..

“I’ve seen you gallop in my dreams, I’ve felt your warmth fall on my skin. I’ve sat atop your back, high above the ground. I’ve felt millions of miles away. I’ve wept tears of your love. I know when your ears move, I know when your heart beats.. I see your soul melt, filled with the greatest sacrifice. I see the world turn through your eyes, I see an amazing animal, a legend. The dearest friend.

You watch me move, feel my presence. My head dropping respect for your ever being. You feel my eyes move across your body, admiring true beauty.”

Ink is not just a horse. He is a soul filled with love, passion, wisdom, honesty, he holds the key to the world.

I would never speak of words I truly didn’t know of, so whatever I say about this horse speaks from experience and nothing but the truth.

Take a moment and watch this horse.. As he sits falling asleep, as he runs across the ground..

I’m not a horse owner which owns horses to ride. I am not a horse owner that shows my horses and then puts them away in a stall. I am not a horse owner that only knows my horses from handling them solely. I am not a horse owner that demands and never listens. I am not a horse owner who isn’t willing to stop and see from the horses view. I am not a horse owner who only visits my horses to ride.

I am a horse owner who would spend days on end sitting in a field watching. I am a horse owner who would give up everything just to be in the presence of these creatures. I am a horse owner who would rather live under the night sky with my horses.

I want all of my horses to be the kind which will let you sleep between their hooves, rest underneath their shadow, be in understanding harmony with their human friends, never underestimate their beauty, deserving respect, and mark upon the lives of many.

I want to share my life with Ink. I want to love him with more than my heart can possibly contain. I want to feel his heart in my hand. I want to hug him with my heart. I want him to know that no matter what life brings, he will always be mine; my love, my desire, my absolute dream, my dream come true.

“Body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away, and I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. Because I love you, weather it’s wrong or right, and though I can’t be with you tonight, know my heart is by your side.” - Daniel Bedingfield (If You’re Not The One)

I have this raw horse, that brings all his challenges along. He is strong, he is weak, he is bold, he is passive.

Take a step back from your horse, and truly break it down to it’s real being, and you will see what I see. I don’t see just the riding potential..I see the life potential. His life is becoming clear, he is finally a horse, and all I want is to see him happy and healthy.

“The world is cold, but I don’t care. I see color, and I hear sound. And good things happen when you’re around.” - Dierks Bentley (Good Things Happen)

“Before you judge me, look into my eye and shake my hand. Open your mind and listen, and learn at whatever age you are. Whatever experience you have. Because we all have something to share, something to say, and love to give.” - Keri S. (of inkeq)

The same can be said for our horses.

One day I will get the nerve to read this to my dad..

“The best of my day is spent resting my head on a fence post, looking out to the unknown, learning from gods greatest teacher.” - Keri S. (of inkeq)

I wrote this earlier on a forum I am a member of.. I love the members on that thing, they are all so talented, kind, helpful, and understanding people.

I LOVE my horse soo much. I love his fits, I love his gentle eyes, and all the challenges that he brings. I love every inch of who and what he is. He’s tested me sooo much and taught me all the unexpected things I ever wanted. I dream about the challenges and hope things don’t become too easy. I’m in no rush to get him anywhere.. What does that mean anyway?? What matters is he is finally loving his life as a horse and not some track animal.

He’s giving me those looks . He looks at me now with those eyes, and you can just tell he is loving being loved. I just want the best for him. But every, everyday I worry about him. I feel like an over-protective mom! I fear the worst for him and I don’t know why. I am always extremely on-guard for any behavior/mood or physical changes. I just don’t want to loose him, and I don’t know why I’m worrying so much.

I don’t worry about Errika like this and she’s 23. Of course I worry about her, but not the constant worry on my mind like with Ink.

Today I was with Ink, and he was falling asleep while I was grooming him (he’s come so far, he loves being groomed now!!) and the neighbor walks down to get her mail and stops to say hello. She asked me if I was going to get into eventing (I only took event lessons, I never got to show because I didn’t have a horse for it.) I told her I wanted to get into it with Ink (as he sat there sleeping hehe) but then I told her I didn’t know because he’s sound and then off, and then sound, and so on. I told her I was going to have a the chiropractor come out to do some work on his back, but then her response was, “then I guess he’s not your eventer..” My heart sank.. Just to hear someone tell me that, made me really upset. Of course I didn’t show it being the person I am, but after she left all I wanted to do was hug and cry on the shoulder of my superstar.

I always tell him I always believe in him, always tell him I love him, and now he’s new nickname is superstar. I’m not worried about showing really, even though that’s what I desire to do with him and I know we’d kick butt, he’d be such an awesome event horse, but it just upsets me when someone doubts him.

My dad doesn’t even care about how far we’ve come. The day we’re jumping atleast 3′6″ is the day his head will turn..seriously.

Don’t tell us we can’t chase the moon and catch the sun, because if you bet big on it be sure to take out a loan!